Two hearts
by Chanel5
Summary: Addison and Alex lean on each other to help mend their broken hearts - ADDEX Eventually
1. Really I'm fine

**A/N: Well I finally have had a break from the writters block and come up with this story. As always it is Addex eventually although I must warn you I think it's definately the darkest work I've done, as it deals with drug addiction. I'm not totally convinced it will work so any feedback would be greatly appreciated.**

**Just a few things to help. This story is set approx 5 years after Addison left for LA. The story will be based in LA to start with but will move back to Seattle.**

**Hope you enjoy and like I said feedback would be greatly appreciated. Please let me know if it's worth continuing.**

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**Chapter 1**

_I've had a bad day. It's okay. I'll just take two Valium. I won't need them tomorrow. It's okay, I'm a Doctor, and I need them to help me out right now._

Addison justified this to herself as she washed the Valium down with a mouthful of red wine. She sat waiting quietly; she knew the Nanny would be home with the twins any moment now. As the pills and the wine began to take effect she felt a calm wash over her. Addison needed the calm to be able to cope, to be able to be a good mother to her 4 year olds Jack and Matilda.

The children ran inside into their mothers waiting arms.

"I missed you today mommy." Jack whispered not wanting his sister to hear.

"I missed you too." Addison whispered back.

"I'm hungry." Matilda announced.

"You're always hungry." Addison said pulling back from her children and smiling at both of them.

They were miracle children. Addison didn't think IVF would work but it did. The beautiful proof stood in front of her as they began to run into the kitchen.

The Nanny left for the day and Addison and the children sat down and ate dinner together. This was the part of the day Addison still found the hardest. The twins laughed and talked and ate dinner as Addison watched them. The pills and wine helped her be there. She didn't think without them she would be able to do it. Night after night, day after day, raising the children alone it was becoming harder not easier. Time was not healing this wound. 6 months had passed now and life without Kevin just didn't seem right. Nothing would feel right again.

Addison had cut her hours back at the Wellness Centre to 35 hours a week. She needed to be there for her children who still didn't really understand why their father was not coming home ever again.

After Kevin's death Naomi and Violet convinced Addison that short term use (as in 2 weeks) of Valium would be beneficial and non addictive. It would help her handle the funeral arrangements and help her try and explain to her 4 year olds that Daddy had been killed at work and wouldn't be coming home again.

At first Addison declined the offer of the drugs but 2 days later and the inability to get out of bed and function she relented and decided to use them for the short term. Unfortunately Addison found great comfort in Valium and 2 weeks turned into 4 weeks which turned into 3 months. Now she was writing her own prescriptions because she knew both Naomi and Violet wouldn't and they would insist that therapy would be better than self medicating to cope. All she was doing was masking the pain.

Logically Addison knew this but it didn't stop her. She felt so much better when she was taking them. It was like she was floating on a cloud and was able to be a better mother, a calm rational mom who could handle any question her children asked about their father. It also helped her deal with Kevin's death. Because honestly she was so angry with him, she asked him to transfer out of SWAT and into another field a less dangerous one, but he refused. And now she was alone, and their children had lost their father. So yeah she was pissed off. It felt wrong to be pissed off with the man you loved especially when he was dead. Taking the Valium helped her not be pissed off with him.

If she had listened to Naomi and Violet all might have been good. But Six months later Addison was finding herself needing to take them more and more not less. She was now taking 2 in the morning, two in the evening on weekdays and more when she was home on the weekend looking at constant reminders of Kevin. Couple this with half a bottle of wine a night, Addison was slowly but surely becoming an addict. Something she couldn't see, or maybe she did but refused to acknowledge it. Addicts are smart and she hid it from her friends and work colleagues.

The only person who seemed to notice was Alex Karev. He had moved to Los Angeles 5 years ago, to take up the position of Attending of the OB/GYN department at St Ambrose. Addison and Alex had met up again when she had a Surgery assisting him. They both laughed at how the tables had turned in 5 short years. He had been deliberately vague about why he made the move to LA but at the time she didn't really care.

5 years ago she was deliriously happy. Just married to a wonderful man that was real and honest and couldn't give a flying fuck that she had a 25 million dollar trust fund, nor did the name Forbes Montgomery mean anything to him. Kevin was only interested in "His Addie" as he liked to call her. She was also expecting twins, something that was so amazing to her that the reason why Alex Karev was in LA meant very little to her. She was happy to see him and work with him again; they had always made a good team. So on the occasion when she had surgery at St Ambrose she loved scrubbing in with him.

Now though, Alex Karev had noticed that something had changed about her. At first he put it down to the loss of her husband, depression, anger. He could relate to all of it. His own personal battle with lost love, depression and anger was what made him leave Seattle 5 years ago. He just hoped Addison wasn't doing the same stupid things like he had done. All those years ago he said that if she went missing he would notice. Well physically she may not be missing, but he had noticed that she was not the same woman.

He was worried. They had been working together again for the past 5 years and he considered her one of his only real friends that he could count on. He wasn't going to say anything to her just yet, but he had his suspicions. She had lost weight, was constantly tired and he had seen her out, she was drinking more than she should. If things continued on the way they were he would have to speak to her. He didn't want her to slowly die inside like he did, after Izzie's death.

A few weeks later, Alex called into the Wellness Centre on his way home to drop off some paperwork for her to sign and caught sight of Addison taking 2 pills with a glass of wine. In that moment he knew all of his suspicions were confirmed. Now what to do? Did he confront her? No she would only deny it. Too bad he wasn't going to let her hurt herself nor was he going to watch Jack and Matilda lose their mother too.

"Hey Addison." She said casually.

"Oh Hi Alex." Addison said smiling, quickly moving the Valium packet into her handbag.

"Drinking on the job?" Alex asked nodding his head towards the wine bottle.

"Oh I was just having a glass before I go home. Would you like to join me?"

"Sure." He said playing along with her.

Addison poured him a glass of wine and asked him to sit down.

"Addison, we are friends aren't we?"

"Of course we are." Addison said.

"Okay. Do you want to tell me what you are doing?"

"What do you mean?" Addison asked. She could feel her heart start to beat a little faster. _Keep cool Addie_

"You know what I'm talking about. The pills and the wine." He said flatly with no fuss, no bullshit just open and honest.

"Look Alex I don't know what you are talking about."

"Addison don't. Okay just don't. I see you. I see how much you have changed. And before you say anything it's not just because Kevin is gone. That isn't the change I'm talking about. I'm talking about the look in your eyes. It's the fact that you are tired all the time because my guess is that you are taking some type of relaxant. Valium or Xanax is my guess."

"How dare you?..."

"Addie I want to help you, I'm not doing this to stick my nose in your business. I care about you, we have been friends for a long time and I have been there. Please I just want to help."

Addison just looked at him. The concern in his eyes was overwhelming, could she, should she? No she wasn't ready to stop taking them. They were the crutch she needed.

"There is nothing going on Alex. You have nothing to worry about. How can you say you have been there? You don't know what it's like to lose your partner; try to console your children. So thank you for your concern but I doubt you have any idea of what I am going through."

"Well maybe I didn't have children but I lost two loves in my life. You don't have the market cornered on loss and pain Addison. Using drugs and alcohol isn't the answer. When you are ready to admit you have a problem come and talk to me. I can help. Believe me I can help."

"Just go Alex I don't have a problem and I don't want to talk about this anymore."

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2 days later Addison took 1 too many Valium tablets and Naomi found her passed out on her living room floor.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading!! Please let me know what you think**


	2. Let me help you

**A/N: Hi, I'm sorry for the delay in this chapter. I was acutually in hospital for a few days so I hope you will all forgive me.**

**Anyway I hope you enjoy chapter 2. Thank you so much for all your reviews and support. This will be the last chapter before Christmas so I wish you all a very merry happy & healthy Christmas. **

**Love Chanel xxxx**

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****LET ME HELP YOU**

"Addison... Addie... wake up... wake up." Naomi shook Addison as she looked around the room.

All Addison could do was murmur a little and moan before falling straight back to sleep. Naomi could feel Addison breathing but her breaths were shallow, it looked like she was out for the night. _Oh God the Children._

Naomi pulled out her cell phone and called the only person she could think of.

"Alex."

"Naomi, what um what... what's wrong?" Alex stammered. He never received calls from Naomi.

"I need your help. Looks like Addie has taken 1 too many pills and instead of half a bottle of wine she has an empty one sitting on the coffee table. She is breathing but I don't know...Should we call an ambulance?" Naomi said in a rush.

"Jesus." Alex muttered under his breath. " No! Don't call an ambulance. I'm on my way." Alex said firmly.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. If she is breathing between us we can sort this out, without the hospital getting involved." Alex said as he rushed out the door.

20 minutes later Alex arrived and lifted Addison into his arms and carried her upstairs to her bedroom. She only stirred briefly and her head fell against Alex's chest. Naomi pulled the covers back and Alex placed her on the bed. He opened her eyes and flashed the light in them, took her blood pressure, checked her pulse and declared that she would be fine.

"She just needs to sleep it off. If we take her to any hospital, it could ruin her career, she has been through enough."

"Addie needs to be strong for the children. I just don't understand why she is doing this." Naomi loved her friend but right now she was really angry with her.

"I do." Alex said quietly. "Look I'll stay here the night with her, make sure she is okay. Do you want to take Jack and Matilda so they don't have to see their mother like this?"

"Yeah. I think that's a good idea."

Naomi woke the children and told them that they were going to have a sleepover at her place. She made it sound really exciting. Matilda was wise beyond her years and asked why her mother wasn't going to say goodbye to them.

"Well mommy is a little sick at the moment and is having a sleep."

"Mommy is always asleep." Matilda said as her bottom lip dropped.

"I know sweetie, but you remember Alex don't you?"

"Yes."

"Well he is a Doctor like mommy and he is going to take excellent care of her."

"I wanna see her. I miss mommy. She is always sleepy." Jack was now getting upset at the prospect of not seeing his mother.

"I wish Daddy was here. He always looked after mommy." Matilda pouted.

Alex could hear all of this and left Addison's side to see if he could put the children at rest. He had had a lot of practice reassuring his sister when he was growing up.

"Hi guys." Alex said brightly.

"Hello Alex." Jack's face lit up. Alex was very cool in Jacks opinion because whenever Alex visited he always played football with him and carried him on his shoulders.

"Hi Alex, I wanna see Mommy." Matilda stated quite matter of fact.

"Well see Mommy has this really bad headache and is sleeping. So Aunt Nae is going to take you to her place for a sleepover. It's going to be really cool." Alex said trying to make it sound great.

"Why?" Matilda asked still sceptical.

"Well because I need to take care of mommy and you can stay up and watch a movie and eat some junk food. It will be so much better than staying here" Alex suggested.

"And you know Maya is home and I'm sure she will paint your fingernails and toenails." Naomi added hoping to sweeten the deal.

"Really?" Matilda idolised Maya so this sold her.

"I don't wanna do that. Can I take my cars?" Jack said.

"Of course you can." Naomi said smiling.

"I wish my daddy was here." Jack added.

"I know you do buddy, but how about tomorrow, I come and pick you up and we can go bike riding." Alex said.

"I still have training wheels."

"That's okay. You might not need them by the end of the day!"

"Alright." Jack reluctantly agreed before a smile spread across his lips.

"Okay kids lets go, we can pick up some popcorn to go with the movie." Naomi said as they began to walk downstairs.

"Alex." Jack whispered.

"Yeah."

"Can you give mommy a kiss for me? She didn't tuck me in tonight and she always kisses me goodnight." Jack whispered.

"Um well...sure I can do that. Why are you whispering?"

"Because Tilda thinks we are too big for kisses from mommy."

"Well that's silly. I promise you Jack I will give mommy a kiss for you."

Jack quickly threw his arms around Alex. Alex was a little taken back, he had always gotten along with the little boy but this...well this just almost took his breath away. This little boy was hurting so badly and Alex wanted nothing more than to help him. After Jack ran down the stairs Matilda was coming out of her bedroom with her favourite doll.

"Hey Alex."

"Yeah Tilda."

"Please take care of my mommy. She is sick. My daddy broke her heart into lots of pieces. That's what I heard the Nanny tell the Pre-school teacher." Matilda said with tears forming in her eyes. She was trying to be so strong. She felt because she was 20 minutes older than her brother she had to be the protector.

"Oh sweetie, your mommy is going to be fine. I'm a pretty good Doctor you know and I'm going to make sure she gets all better."

"Mommy always kisses my forehead when I'm sick. Will you be able to kiss her better." She asked in all seriousness.

"I am going to take care of your mommy and do everything I can."

"Make sure you kiss her forehead. It will help." Matilda said in all seriousness.

"I will do that I promise Tilda."

"Okay." Matilda conceded, before giving Alex a quick hug.

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With the children gone, Alex went back into the bedroom to check on Addison. She was still out cold but he could see her chest rising and falling so he knew at least she was going to be okay. He pulled out a newspaper and read while he sat on the small sofa in the corner of the bedroom, glancing up at Addison occasionally.

A few hours later she began to stir. He moved over to the side of the bed and held her hand.

"Addie, come on now, it's time to wake up. I need you to wake up for me."

"Ke..Kevin." Addison muttered trying to open her eyes.

"Come on that's it you can do it wake up for me." Alex cringed slightly at her mistaking him for Kevin.

Addison finally stirred and opened her eyes and they focused on Alex.

"Alex." She croaked out.

"I'm here. You are going to be okay."

"What, what happened? Children?" She said still trying to wake up.

"They are with Naomi. Do you want to tell me what you were doing?"

"Nothing. I...I just took something to help me sleep."

"Addie..."

"I'm so tired." She said sleepily.

"I know, but I'm not going anywhere and we haven't finished having this conversation."

Addison fell asleep, as did Alex. He curled up on the small sofa and he was going to make her talk at great length in the morning.

Naomi rang at 6.00am the next morning to see how Addison was, who currently was still sleeping. Alex explained that he wanted to talk to her and if she could keep the kids occupied until lunch time that would be great.

"Alex, what are you doing here?" Addison said as she sat up in bed feeling perfectly fine.

"You took an overdose of Valium and washed it down with a bottle of wine. You passed out. Thank God Naomi called in and took the children. She called me to stay with you." Alex wasn't angry but he was not sugar coating anything either.

"What? That's impossible. Where are my children?"

"I said they are with Naomi. Where they will stay until we have a serious talk."

"Alex stop being dramatic I'm fine. It was an accident. I must of taken 1 or 2 too many. It won't happen again. Now thank you for your concern but I'm taking a shower then I'm going to pick up my children."

"No."

"No? You are telling me No?"

"Yes I am. You are not seeing your children until you and I have talked."

"Alex, I appreciate what you did for me, but as you can see I am fine. It won't happen again so if you don't mind I would like you to leave."

"And I said no. You are not going anywhere until you admit you have a problem. I can help. I have a lot of experience with addiction and I am not letting you continue down this path to see your children lose their mother as well."

"Alex I said I'm sorry. I'm not an addict."

"Yes Addison you are. I know it's hard to admit, but you are an addict. I know what it feels like when you are using, how good you feel, how easy it is to function. But that's the thing you aren't functioning really and god knows what could happen."

"Oh since when do you know anything about my pain? About any type of pain. Alex you shut everyone out. You have never been in love. You don't know what it's like for me. If taking some Valium every so often helps me cope who are you to say I shouldn't. You have no idea, so just leave me alone."

Addison was becoming angry and fidgety and Alex knew she was suffering withdrawals. He knew she wanted him out of the house so she could take more pills and "seem" fine.

"No I'm not leaving you alone just so you can take more pills. Look at you, your agitated because you are craving a hit. Well NO! I care about you too much. I will not stand by and watch another person I care about continue to hurt themselves."

"Well I don't care. I asked you to leave so please just go. I lost the love of my life who right now I'm so angry with I want to kill him myself for leaving me alone, leaving me to raise our two beautiful, miracle children alone. You have no idea what that's like." Addison ranted.

"STOP! Just stop. I do know what it's like. I was in love. Izzie. Izzie killed herself, I too began to use drugs to cope, and I too denied I had a problem until a friend forced me to see I had a problem. I do know what it's like to be angry at the person you love. At least Kevin didn't end his life to be with someone else who was already dead. I was ALWAYS second choice. Denny. Denny was Izzie's only love. So DO NOT think for 1 second I don't know how it feels." Alex stopped and could see the tears in Addison's eyes.

"I...I'm so sorry Alex. I don't know what to say. I had no idea, that you and Izzie..."

"There is nothing to say. I'm still dealing with it, but I've stopped using drugs as a crutch. Please Addison let me help you?"

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**A/N: So thanks for reading. There will be a move back to Seattle very soon!! As usual any feedback is welcome so please be kind and review.**


	3. Breaking down the barriers

**A/N: I just want to say a huge thank you to all of my faithful reviewers you have supported yet another story I have written and I was concerned that this one may not be well recieved. But it has been and I can't tell you how happy that makes me feel. Also to my new supporters thank you for your kind reviews. I hope you all continue to like this story.**

**HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!!!**

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**CHAPTER 3 - BREAKING DOWN THE BARRIERS**

"Alex I um I need to go to the bathroom." Addison said as she got out of bed and walked towards the en-suite.

"You must think I'm stupid." Alex replied.

"What are you talking about?" The annoyance was clearly showing in Addison's voice.

"I have no doubt you need to use the bathroom, but there also happens to be a stash of Valium in the cabinet. Something you need right now."

"I really have had enough Alex. I'm sorry for your own loss but I don't have an addiction."

"Prove it to me. I'll come into the bathroom with you."

"Alex I have been married twice and neither of them ever came into the bathroom while I peed. There is no way in hell you are going to."

"Okay I understand that. Look if you want to continue taking drugs to cope and never really deal with the pain that is up to you, I can't stop you. But maybe you should think about Kevin, Do you really think he would want you to do this to yourself? What about your children? They need their mom."

"Alex STOP. I can't stand you lecturing me anymore."

Addison stormed into the en-suite and slammed the door behind her. She paced around the room, pulled open the top drawer of the cabinet and pulled out the packet of Valium, pushed two pills out of there protective seal, turned the tap and half filled a glass of water. She looked at the pills, looked at herself in the mirror. _Just this last time._

Addison swallowed the pills, used the toilet, turned the shower on and began to silently cry. _My god Alex is right. I can't stop taking them. I can't function without them. I really am an addict._

Alex waited outside in the bedroom, his neck hurt from being cramped on the small sofa all night, his head hurt from the lack of the sleep and worry. He knew he couldn't make Addison get help she had to do that on her own. He was weighing up whether or not to leave when he remembered his promise to Jack. He had promised to take him bike riding.

Addison emerged from the bathroom. She wore a bathrobe and one look at her told Alex that she had taken more pills. She was no longer agitated or upset. To anyone that didn't know they would just see, strong, well put together Addison Montgomery Nelson. Alex saw an addict. An addict that he cared about, and at one time many years ago loved.

A part of him wanted to walk away. He didn't know if he was strong enough to do this. Not again. He had helped Rebecca. That had turned into a disaster; she was still in a psychiatric facility six years after she tried to kill herself.

Then after he gave his heart to Izzie, he tried to help her get over all of her issues, but that too turned into a disaster, no that broke his heart to a point that he never thought it would repair again. Could he really stand by and watch yet another woman he had feelings for head down a path of destruction?

Just as he was debating all of this in his mind Addison finally spoke.

"Alex, you're right." She said softly. "I need help. I...I... can't stop taking them. I just took two. I feel good I do, but I know it's not real."

"No it's not real. It's masking everything."

"Will you help me? I know I don't deserve it. I spoke to you terribly this morning, but I don't know what else to do."

"Come here." He said as he pulled her into his arms. "It isn't going to be easy. Its hard work, but I will help you. Together we can work out a plan."

"Really. You will help me."

"Sure, God knows I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and focus on something else." He said trying to make light of the situation.

Addison and Alex drove over to pick up the children from Naomi's. The children ran into their mothers arms. She assured them that she was fine and that they were going to go out for lunch and then to the park.

"Can Alex come? He said he would take me bike riding." Jack pleaded.

"Of course if Alex wants to come he is welcome to." Addison replied smiling at her son.

As Addison heard all about the children's night with Aunt Naomi and Maya, Alex took Naomi aside and discussed a plan to get Addison off her drug addiction.

"What I want to do is keep it under the radar. I think we can do this on the quiet without the hospital knowing. It should be easy enough to say Addison is taking more time off to be with the children. You can take over her patients or get in a short term replacement."

"I can arrange that. I just can't believe you got her to admit she had a problem. I don't know what to say except thank you. I feel responsible. I should never have suggested she use them in the first place." Naomi said.

"No don't say that. We both know that Valium if used correctly for short term use is effective. Addison just...well she just used them for too long, until she couldn't function without them. Throw in some booze and hey presto you have an addict."

"Wow you paint a pretty picture." Naomi said sarcastically.

"Sorry. I was thinking of taking some time off work myself I haven't had any time off for 3 years so I have plenty of vacation time. I thought I could stay at the house with her."

"I think for the first few weeks with the withdrawals and mood swings that the children should come and stay with me. I can get Cooper to help out too." Naomi said.

"I think it's a great idea. Although I think that may be a hard sell with Addison but between us I think we can persuade her."

Alex, Addison, Matilda and Jack spent the afternoon at a child friendly cafe then as promised they went to the park and Alex helped Jack ride his bike without the training wheels, much to Jack's absolute delight.

"Mommy, is Alex your new boyfriend?" Matilda asked.

"No sweetie. Alex is just a very good friend. Why don't you like him?"

"Oh yes I like Alex a lot he is really nice."

"Yes he is. Now are you sure you don't mind staying with Aunt Naomi."

"No it's okay. I know you have to go away to work with Alex." Matilda said trying to be very strong.

Addison had explained to the children over lunch that she had to go away to work for about a month with Alex and it was really important. She also promised that she would call them as often as possible. She didn't want to promise everyday because honestly she was scared about going cold turkey and felt that some days she may not be up to talking to them.

As it turned out getting Addison to agree to letting the children stay with Naomi wasn't that difficult. All Addison wanted was what was best for her children, and what was best for them was a sober mother who could cope without the crutch of drugs.

That night bags were packed, kisses and hugs were given, tears were shed and Naomi promised lots of fun for the kids to distract them.

"I will never be able to repay you for this Nae. I'm just so sorry I let this happen." Addison said as she hugged Naomi.

"There is nothing to repay. I just want you to get well. Call whenever you like. If there is anything else I can do all you have to do is ask."

"Thank you. I love you." Addison said tears rolling down her cheeks. She was beginning to get really scared.

"I love you too Addison. Just get better okay."

"Mommy its okay, don't cry." Jack said oblivious to what was really going on.

"I know I'm just going to miss my babies." She said smiling though her tears as she hugged them to her as tightly as possible.

"We aren't babies." Matilda said.

"You will always be my babies." Addison replied. "Now I want you to go and have a good time at Aunty Nae's but you had better behave yourselves."

"We will mommy." Matilda said.

"Will you bring us back a present?" Jack asked.

Addison shook her head and laughed. "Yes Jack I will bring you both back a present."

With that the children left and Addison was left alone in the house with Alex. Earlier Alex had organised 'emergency leave' with the hospital and brought some clothes with him. Addison had set up the guest room for him and together they went through the house top to bottom and flushed all of the pills, and poured all of the alcohol done the drain. The house was now drug free.

Alex sat Addison down and warned her of how difficult the next week or so would be. She was incredibly scared yet determined at the same time.

"Mourning time is over Alex. It's time to take back control of my life."

"It's okay to mourn Addie, but you do have to get on with your life."

"Have you?" She asked quietly.

"No not really. Instead of taking Xanax, that was my drug of choice, by the way; I work. That's all I do. I have two friends Meredith and you. That's it; I have cut myself off from everyone. Work is the only place I feel like I'm in control. I have patients and their relatives as well as staff depending on me. I don't know what to do with spare time. If it wasn't for Meredith I hate to think where I would be now."

"I am truly sorry for your loss Alex. You just put up such a strong exterior that I had no idea. I do remember seeing the very kind sweet side of you a few times, briefly as they were many years ago now." Addison said smiling.

"Maybe we can help each other? Maybe it is time that I stopped grieving and feeling angry. Izzie died 5 years ago. It's time to move on." Alex said.

"Yeah I think it is. I will be here for you Alex. Well once I get though the withdrawals. It's going to be pretty awful isn't it?"

"Yeah it is. But I will be here every step of the way."

"Just like Meredith was for you?"

"Yeah she was."

"I'm glad, you had someone. I hope you know that I will never forget this Alex, what you are doing for me."

Alex put his arm around Addison as they sat on the couch and squeezed her arm. "That's what friends do Addie. Like I said I only have two, I need to be good to the ones I have." He said smiling at her.

Over the next few weeks, yelling, screaming, sweats, high temperatures and overall bad moods took over the house. In between a drug counsellor was sent over every day at midday for a one hour session. Through it all Alex was there not always with kind words but even with Addison's begging and pleading for drugs he held it together and helped her get her mind off it.

It was a long road ahead but Alex felt as though for the first time things were going to work out. Addison was determined; she wanted to kick this habit. When she did ask for drugs and cried and complained that she couldn't do it. Alex was always able to talk her out of it. He used similar techniques that Meredith used with him. Showing her what she had to live for. It took time but eventually she would see reason and collapse in his arms and cry softly into his chest saying she was sorry over and over again.

Alex didn't want to admit it, but it made him feel good to be able to help someone else and put his own screwed up past behind him. Addison didn't know it but she was saving him just as much as he was saving her.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading. I hope you liked this chapter. Please review it always keeps me motivated and as always any ideas are more than welcome!**


	4. Moving On

**A/N: I'm sorry for the long delay in this story. I must admit I have suffered greatly from writters block. So I hope there are still some people out there who are interested in this story.**

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**Chapter 4 – Is it time to move on?**

It was three months later and Addison was feeling a lot better, she had stopped craving Valium and she had no desire to drink alcohol again. The children had moved back into the house which she was so happy about. Being completely sober she had begun to realize just how stupid she had been. She missed them desperately and wanted to spend as much time with them as she could, making up for all the time she had spent sleeping whilst using Valium as a coping mechanism.

Alex had not moved out of the beach house though. It wasn't really discussed. He knew Addison was definitely over the worst of it and could cope alone, but he kept telling himself she needed him. Deep down he knew he needed her just as much.

Coming home at the end of the day to a woman he cared about, actually in all truthfulness he didn't really know what his feelings for Addison were, it was all a little confusing and blurry. So in true Alex form he chose to ignore whatever it was he was feeling. It was the whole package he loved. Coming home to Jack and Matilda arguing over toys or taking them down to the beach to play, made his life brighter. He couldn't explain it to himself let alone anyone else.

So he stayed. Addison hadn't asked him to leave so he never volunteered. The four of them co-existed for three months. As unconventional and strange to the rest of the world, to the four people involved it felt calm and safe. Something none of them had felt in a really long time. It was after an evening with Violet, Pete and their two children that questions were asked and Addison began to re-think things.

"Addison, this is none of my business, please just be careful. You and Alex seem so attached to each other, I just think someone is going to get hurt."

"Nothing is going to happen. We are friends that's all he is still helping me and the children love having him there."

"I know they do, and that worries me. It's like he is filling Kevin's shoes and he is playing dad."

"That is not true!" Addison said indignantly. "Jack and Matilda's father is dead, that can not be re-placed, not by Alex or anyone else. The children love Alex because he is Alex not because they view him as their father's replacement."

"I'm sorry. I don't want to upset you. I just see the way you all connect together and you just seem like a family. You don't want the children to get too attached to Alex. The ramifications of seeing another male figure leave their lives could cause real damage at their young age. Just be really careful Addie."

"Good night Violet." Addison said as she left for the day. _I need to think about that. Maybe I have been so caught up with my own stuff I haven't considered the children._

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A few weeks later and after much observation Addison decided that she needed to ask Alex to leave. She was scared, he had been there for her, seen her through bad dreams, agonizing withdrawals and yet he still stayed how could she tell him to leave?

"Alex I um I want to talk to you about something. Have you got time?"

"Hey, you sound serious. Is everything okay?"

"I'm not sure, but I think we need to have a talk."

"Um sure, let me just take up Tilda's doll, she will only come down looking for it." Alex said as he picked up Matilda's favourite doll.

Addison gave him a small smile. _God this is going to be so hard._

"Okay, she is settled now she has her doll. So what is it?"

"Do you think we are dysfunctional?"

"What? Um well I actually don't think I know anyone who isn't." Alex said in all seriousness.

"I mean you and me, and our living arrangements what are we doing?"

"Nothing, I came to help a friend out, that's it." Alex said getting a little nervous.

"Well Alex I'm all better now, thanks to you and I am seeing a really good grief and drug counsellor and I umm, God this is hard I think that maybe it's time you went home."

"You want me to leave?"

"Not really. But Alex come on I can't be dependent on you forever. I'm also scared that the kids are just getting too attached to you and the longer you stay the harder it is going to be when you do leave."

"I would never do anything to hurt you or the children." Alex said. He didn't want to show his panic but the thought of going back to living alone and being so empty inside was rising up and scarring the shit out of him.

"Oh God Alex I know that. I just think I need to stand on my own two feet."

"Are you sure you are ready?"

"Alex, I don't for 1 minute want you to think that I am ungrateful, but I think that it's time for both of us."

"I'm happy to go back to my apartment; I can get back to my normal life. Who knows I may even get laid again." Alex said convincingly.

"Oh I see." Addison said.

"Um let's see, I could move back over the weekend if you like."

"Oh you don't have to go that soon."

"No you are right, you can stand on your own and it will be good to get back to my own apartment, start getting my life back to normal." _Normal, yeah fantastic, staring at the walls when I get home from work, being miserable and lonely. Yeah normal sounds great._

"Um okay well we are still going to see you. I mean we can still go out for lunch and you can still come over for dinner and stuff." Addison said. She too was beginning to panic a little at the thought of Alex not being around every day.

"Yeah we will still see each other, but maybe you are right, we need to get back to our lives. Besides how else are we going to meet anyone if we are always together?" Alex said.

_What am I saying? I don't want her dating anyone else. I don't want her dating anyone other than me! Whoa what the fuck? I want to date Addison. Yes you moron you are in love with her._

"Yeah of course. I mean I don't think I'm ready to date yet but you certainly should." _God what am I saying I don't want him dating anyone else. __Fuck what have I done, Alex please stay, I want to be with you. Oh God yes I think I've fallen in love with you. _

"You are right. I should start dating again. Izzie is in the past and it's time to move on. Maybe I should think about taking a trip to Seattle. Facing the past and all that."

"Maybe that is a good idea. I see the sessions with Violet are helping." _No! you can't leave. I want you here with me._

"Oh shut up." He said with a small smile. _I'm going to miss her._

"You know I think a trip to Seattle might be good for me too. Just for a vacation, I think it would be good for the children and I do still have some friends there."

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A few days later, Alex had moved back to his apartment and resumed his life, such that it was. He missed Jack and Matilda more than he thought possible. But the realisation that he had fallen in love with Addison was what really took him by surprise. He also knew that she wasn't ready for a relationship and he still had a few demons he needed to face back in Seattle.

Addison was still coming to terms with her feelings for Alex and still didn't know what to do about them. Was it too soon after Kevin's death? Was it too soon after her recovery? She needed to be brave and talk to Alex. Perhaps he didn't feel the same, or maybe he did.

The decision was made for her because just as she had gotten up the courage to talk to him it was another month later and Alex was saying his goodbyes and making his return to Seattle.

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**A/N: I hope you enjoyed that chapter. Any suggestions are more than welcome. Reviews will make me smile!**


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